Beginning again…again.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Another Monday had come. Like so many times before I found myself standing in front of that dreaded contraption, the scales.

I have struggled with my weight all of my life. I was aware from a young age that my body did not look like the other girls around me. They were long and slender; I was just the opposite.

As I got older, I did try to eat healthier and would even lose a pound or two; however, it would not be long and I would give up and gain it all back.

In my life I have been blessed with people who did not care about my size or my shape. They loved my personality and my heart.

Within myself, however, there was a war raging. I would hear people say encouraging, positive words, but I just did not see that. I would look in the mirror and see a failure.

Over time I met a wonderful man, got married, and had three beautiful children. Through all three pregnancies my husband was a trooper. As I would sit, in tears over gaining a few pounds, he would tell me how beautiful my expanding belly and I were.

After giving birth to our third child I had acquired quite a few pounds.

I did what I had always done. I picked a Monday, and set out to lose all the “baby weight” { that is what I called it to make myself feel better}

I would lose the weight and feel pretty good for a while. But no matter how much weight I lost, I still never felt good enough. I still felt like a failure. That is when the pounds would begin to creep back on.

The problem was that mentally and emotionally I was not making the necessary changes. I did not realize that no amount of physical change was going to fix the mental and emotional damage I had inside.

This never-ending cycle has been going on for a few years now. I lose weight, feel pretty good physically, but still find myself an emotional wreck, and gain the weight back.

A few months ago, my parents began a journey to health. They have been doing great! Watching them succeed has given me the courage to begin again, again.

I spent the weekend trying to convince myself that I could do this. I knew that in order to do the job God has called me to do and to be the person God wanted me to be I needed to be healthy physically and emotionally.

Monday morning found me standing in front of the thing I dread the most, the scales.

That morning God and I had a long, heart-felt conversation. I poured all my worries and doubts out to Him. I told God I knew I could not do this by myself. I prayed for strength and courage I knew could come only from Him.

I wish I could tell you that I stood up from that prayer feeling encouraged and ready to face the world. Honestly, I was scared to death, scared that I was going to fail again.

At that moment I made the commitment to God that I was going to stand on His promises. Even though I was scared I began to make good decisions. One good decision turned into another, and then another. Before I knew it I had made it through the whole day with good decisions.

The doubts still creep in from time to time, but I know that God is with me. I know that with Him I can succeed.

I do not know what your struggle is, or how many times you have failed. But I want to offer you some encouragement today.

It does not matter how many times you have had to begin again, again. God wants to see you succeed. More important than that He wants to help you succeed.

Take your doubts and worries to Him, lay them at His feet, and begin again, again.

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